2nd year

So on a Friday night in April, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and I remembered something; I started a blog to mark my time in college. Going to look at this blog I realized that it has been over a year since I’ve even opened the page to look at it, let alone write. I could say my new goal would be to write more and keep track of my life this way but who am I kidding, this will continue to be like all my diaries in elementary, middle and high school…I will write in them consistently for a while and then I will drop it and come back later.

So where do I begin? I could go through my year all the ups and downs that have happened this year but let’s face it either a)you already know cause you know me, b) you don’t know who I am and don’t really care, and the real reason c) I would get bored writing it all out. I’m already losing steam on this one and I haven’t even written that much (Mom, I think I missed the writing gene).

So where do I begin? Ok, so I’m repeating myself again (which I do a lot just ask my bf) but really there is so much going through my head that I don’t know where to start. There is the question of normality running through my mind. The thoughts of why I choose now to reconnect with my blog. Why am I not out having a good time with friends? What is it about the solidarity that draws to me? Why do I feel left out but yet at the same time question if I actually want to belong? If someone out there has any answers please share but I have a feeling that they will forever be unanswered. However, I do know that I have learned a lot about myself this year and that is what college is all about right?

In one of my favorite style I thinking I’m gonna list them…

1) I’m still as stubborn as I always have been and when someone puts a challenge to me I want to rise up and meet it.

2) It’s ok to fail. Wait did I just say that out loud? In a continuing pattern my sophomore year seem to bring a new set of challenges and problems to face. I think I am finally accepting the fact that I don’t have to be perfect. Where I got that idea in the first place I don’t know but I’ve always strived to be perfect… I’m finally accepting that I don’t have to be, as long as I try my best and not sit back afraid to do something in case I fail but to jump in the ocean and “just keep swimming” (I never did like that movie yet that is the keeps going through my head right now).

3) I need a single. I love my roommate from first semester but I have discovered that it’s not the best idea to share a room with your friend. You each need time away from each other and that doesn’t work so well when your only place to retreat is 5 feet from each other. (Note, I saw first semester, we are still friends but she moved to a single on the floor and I kept the double but never got a roommate.)

4) That I can run a mile and half in under 13min and 30secs. For some that might be a no brainer but I struggled a lot with my running this year. I had to face my own self doubts of not feeling good enough because I couldn’t do it and being frustrated with not understanding why I couldn’t. Granted spraining my ankle midway through second semester put a cramp in that too but I am proud to say that I ran it in 13:20…new goal for next year under 13minutes.

5) Patience pays off in the end. Throughout high school I wondered why I was rarely asked out on a date and if I did go out with a guy it never lasted very long. My Mom always claimed it was because I knew what I wanted to do and knew I didn’t want to stay in L-town. While I can now say that my patience paid off… even if he is Army ROTC. : P

6) It can actually be fun to take a guy to a dance/ball even if you’re in uniform. (If you remember in an earlier post, I said I didn’t think I would take a guy to the tri-service (military) ball, well I did this year and am very glad I did.)

7) Naps are still a college students favorite past time.

8) Spinning rifles can be a dangerous, very fun but dangerous…particularly when pieces are flying off everywhere but that’s only a minor problem…”If you ain’t bleeding you ain’t trying”

9) It’s ok to be me. I don’t have to do everything just to feel like I belong but to accept where I’m at and just go with it…

10) Life works out as it should. It isn’t always easy and it isn’t always fun but with the pain and heartache comes joy and happiness.

So, that’s where I stand at the moment. I didn't really answer my questions but then like I said I didn't expect to. I am 3 weeks away from being done with my sophomore year and we will see where my path leads.

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” – unknown.