Memories

So, I’ve been looking at my computer screen for a while now and have been trying to write a paper for my Core Humanities class (CC101) but wasn’t getting anywhere. I realized that my mind wasn’t on what I was supposed to be writing but on the past.

I went home for Thanksgiving which was an amazing break from things but also brought with it its own emotion struggles. I spent some quality time with my Mom, Dad and D and caught up on True Blood as well as seeing some friends. I really enjoyed talking with DH, it felt like old times when I could just walk over.

Thanksgiving Day broke clear and cold. Spending time with the family was great and I enjoyed just relaxing. However there were some sobering thoughts to the day. At dinner I was talking with my Great Grandma and for a time during the conversation she thought I was my Mom. While that is a great compliment in my eyes because she has done many amazing things it is also hard to face the fact that she is getting older and we don’t know when her last holiday will be or any of the great grandparents for that matter. Which brings me to the other factor of the day, we were minus Grandma S. This was our first Thanksgiving without her and it was really brought home at our annual movie. I had placed my coat on the seat next to me not even thinking about it when my mom asked with a sad smile, “saving a seat for grandma?” That threw me back to when I last saw her as I always wish to remember her, waving at the door, like she did every time, as we drove off. So while it was a happy day it was fringed with a bit of sadness as well.

On Saturday, before I flew home Mom, D and I went to church. I’m not going to lie it was my first time going to church in a while but we felt like we need to go. My dad dedicated the mass to Grandma because it was between her birthday and the day she died. While I was sitting in church listening to the father speak and I had this image come into my mind. It was of Grandma and Chris sitting and talking together like they did at every Fourth of July party that both of them attend. I will never forget how much she loved talking with him and how he always treated her as if she was his grandma. I guess that comes with being a part of our neighborhood where everyone’s family because family after a while. I was reminded of that image today. It has been two years since Chris was killed but it is amazing because I can close my eyes and see him playing football or throwing people into the pool on 4th of July. So I guess all I can do is hold that image of Chris and Grandma sitting together shearing stories like they use to do.

This was probably a ton of rambling and not clear but I had to get my thoughts out there so there they are.